"You'll never be good enough"
"You don't really have a purpose"
These are lies I told myself for years. That I didn't have purpose, that no one truly cared about me.
My story has His name written all over it. I have been following Jesus for almost six years now. I grew up in a Christian home, with great parents who had me in church every time the doors were open. I believed in God, but it took me a while to truly grasp the idea of having a relationship with Him and what that even meant. But my life completely changed in July of 2013. So, I made it known what God had done in my life.
I was no longer into the same things, so I was labeled the "good girl" and because of my reputation people overlooked me, and I was left out. Just when I felt I could control my situations, everything would fall apart. But that's the problem; I was trying to control it. I felt that I had to appear put together to meet all these expectations. I gave people advice when I was struggling with myself. But still I persisted in my faith.
Then two years ago, everything came crashing down all at once - many people walked out of my life, including those I looked up to as Christians and it felt like everything was being taken away from me. I was questioning - I lived a good Christian life, why was everything being taken away from me? But I had become complacent, lukewarm. "You'll never be good enough," "You aren't pretty or thin enough for him," "You don't have purpose anymore." These are thoughts that constantly went through my mind. I would look at myself in the mirror and cry; I couldn't see the person God had made me to be anymore. I didn't even know why I was here, or who I was. I hit a breaking point, and I knew I couldn't do it on my own anymore.
For so long I relied on people to determine my worth. And to be honest, I relied on others to strengthen my walk with God and would run to them first. I had to be completely broken for God to show me how beautiful I was - that He had a plan for me, that He thought I was worth dying for, and that He was going to use my brokenness to inspire others. He had to strip things and people out of my life, so He could move me into the next season He had for me. He used this to remind me that it's our relationship, and I needed to intimately seek after Him. He reminded me that there is always a "but" to the story where He reveals Himself, if we would just shift our focus to Him and not the problem.
"He who started a good work in you will carry it to completion" Philippians 1:6
This is the word God spoke into my life - that almost six years ago He started something in me that nothing could stop, and this is all part of building my faith and my identity. Faith is the base that upholds everything in our walk with God, and I needed that reminder. I don't believe the lies of the devil anymore, because I know I was made in His image. I am fearlessly focused and on fire for the King.
There was great purpose in my brokenness so that I can proclaim this: He's not finished with you yet - you are s e t a p a r t for His kingdom, for His purpose.